Free To Be Ministries

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ESSENTIAL VIRTUES FOR EACH OF THE GIFTS

PROPHET:  For the prophet and the principle of design, the virtue is being a rebuilder. The prophet defaults into being an explainer, an analyst, and yet God wants him to be effective in rebuilding. Where the root iniquity is focusing on the rights, the prophet’s essential virtue is focusing on the responsibility to study those portions of the Word of God that will rebuild the broken lives around him.

SERVANT:  For the servant the principle is authority, the root iniquity is peace at any cost, and the servant’s essential virtue is walking in dominion rather than victimization, to walk not in domination but to walk in a position where he can be life-giving to those around him, building up their kingdom worldview.

TEACHER:  For the teacher there are many areas of responsibility but the essential virtue, the one that God highlights more than any other for the teacher, is sanctifying his own family. It is very difficult for the teacher to impose responsibility upon his own family. It is so much easier for the teacher to teach truths elsewhere, but until the teacher is willing to sanctify his own family, his authority in the gift of teaching is going to be limited.

EXHORTER:  For the exhorter, the virtue is embracing pain. It is absolutely impossible to achieve excellence in any field without voluntarily embracing a great deal of pain. Getting rich by winning the lottery by luck is not the same as excellence. Excellence requires embracing the pain, and the exhorter must sow realistically in order to reap realistically.  Walking in the reality of sowing and reaping is a virtue that will enable the exhorter to go far.

GIVER:  For the giver, the essential virtue is walking by faith instead of being in control of his circumstances so that he can feel safe, instead of retaining control so that he is never put at risk.  When he walks by faith doing the things that God has called him to do, knowing that God is going to call him to do things that are impossible in the natural, he earns significant authority over the demonic realm in the gift of giving city.

RULER:  For the ruler, instead of exploitation the essential virtue is being life-giving, seeing to it that the flow of life from the ruler to every individual around him is central. So many rulers default to the organization. They are life-giving to the structure, and they expect the structure somehow to be life-giving to the world around them. God does not allow that little by-pass.  He does not allow the ruler to punt easily to the institution. He requires the ruler to personally be life-giving to those around him.

MERCY:  For the gift of mercy, the essential virtue is to please God and not man. So many times the gift of mercy gets trapped in a stubborn situation of being life-giving to somebody whom he was not called to be life-giving to, being life-giving in a situation that keeps him from ministering where God has called him to minister. Because he does not want to hurt the person whom he has been life-giving to, he remains there instead of where God has called him to go. It is the desire to keep people happy that will keep the mercy from making God pleased with him. Submission to God’s agenda at the expense of man is the central virtue, the essential virtue for the gift of mercy.

An Observation of the Redemptive Gift of Teacher

A View toward Reconciliation

“I do find it very, very hard to be told by a human being that I’m wrong.” Quote from a Teacher.

This discussion needs to begin with an understanding of reconciliation and forgiveness. Reconciliation is different from forgiveness. Can you forgive someone for an offense without having reconciliation? It would seem that the main difference between reconciliation and forgiveness is that you have to have restoration of relationship for there to be reconciliation, whereas forgiveness does not necessarily have to include restoration of relationship. We have all heard Christians say that they have forgiven someone but they will no longer fellowship with them. When is forgiveness required? When is reconciliation required?

Inherent within the term reconciliation is the hope of restoring relationship. Christ addresses the issue of reconciliation in Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) where He says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” Here Christ is speaking of an individual who is coming to the altar with an offering. The reason one brings an offering to the altar of God is to be reconciled to God. Christ is saying if you want to be reconciled to God, whom you have offended, first you must go to the person you have offended and be reconciled. It is safe to say that Christ viewed reconciliation as a requirement, not an option, when you are in the position of being the offender. In other words, it is incumbent on the person that has brought the offense to restore relationship or be reconciled, not on the victim. The big problem is when the offender is not willing to be reconciled or does not recognize their culpability.

There are many scriptures that deal with forgiveness. An example is Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) where it says, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

There is always the requirement to forgive but is there always a requirement to be reconciled? I think not. Take the scenario of a woman who is raped by her older brothers as a young child and as a result has even struggled with suicide. She has been able to come to a place of forgiveness but she also recognizes that they are/were sick and sinful. Does she have to be reconciled to them? Does she have go to them, spend time with them, and try to restore fellowship with them and their families even though the family members may be unrepentant? I believe that reconciliation in this case is optional and forgiveness is mandatory.

Where you have sinned against someone, there is the higher requirement of reconciliation. Where you are the one who was sinned against, forgiveness is required and reconciliation is optional (although preferred if possible).

It is widely viewed that the free money for a Giver is forgiveness. Indeed, forgiveness is very easy for the Giver. However, it is equally important to the Giver that reconciliation accompany forgiveness. Givers will press in (sometimes too much) with those they are at odds with in order to find both reconciliation and forgiveness. Each of us has some form of reconciliation model that is framed around our redemptive gift, our wounds, and our gender among other things. The words, “I’m sorry” are very important to the Giver and are a major part of their reconciliation model. If a Giver has wronged another, you will more often than not hear the words “I’m sorry”. Consequently, it is important for the Giver to hear these words when they have been wronged.

Regardless of your redemptive gift, reconciliation between two people can only be achieved if the reconciliation model of the one carrying the offense is met. In other words, if a Giver is the offended party, the Giver reconciliation model needs to hear the words “I’m sorry” even if your reconciliation model doesn’t require it. Remember, the rule of thumb is when you have offended someone you should strive to meet the reconciliation model of the one offended, regardless of what your reconciliation model requires.

What follows are some thoughts toward reconciliation with a Teacher. It is an attempt to take an honest look at this redemptive gift from both the positive and negative ends of the spectrum. For the most part it is assumed in this discussion that there is a breach of relationship with a teacher and that in the final analysis the teacher is at fault for the breach. Although this discussion covers many areas of reconciliation with a Teacher, hopefully you will find some tools or ideas that will help you when you are confronted with the task of reconciling with an unwilling wounded teacher who has offended you. With this in mind let’s look at some of the facets of the reconciliation model of the redemptive gift of teacher.

Teachers (not all) try to let “time” be their apology. Their reconciliation model says, “I will be nice to them again and restore conversation with them, and then they will know everything is all right between us.” That is okay if the teacher is the guiltless party and that is their reconciliation model. However, if the Teacher is the guilty party, then it is incumbent upon them to meet the reconciliation model of the person they have offended. If the offended person’s model requires an apology, then the teacher needs to say “I’m sorry.” Again, the rule that governs reconciliation is that the guilty party must meet the reconciliation model of the offended person if reconciliation is to be achieved.

When teachers are processing a problem issue in their mind, most of the time their approach is from the premise that they are not wrong. This is because of an underlying need to be right. Teachers study, research, and think. Typically they won’t make an argument for anything until they feel that they have studied the issue to the best of their ability, prayed for God’s mind, and looked at all sides. They have more than likely had mental arguments and found which of their own arguments don’t stand up to scrutiny. Their noble reason for doing this is that when they speak something they want it to be life giving. The less noble reason is that they just want to be right! They are not interested in the other person being wrong and they tend to not want to make an issue of it. It’s more important for them to be right. Their need to be right does not usually lead them to be contentious over the issue. In most cases they tend to keep their thoughts and conclusions to themselves so that they cannot be challenged. However, this can be hard for them at times because they also want to be heard. It is easy to see how teachers could fall into a false legitimacy trap through their need to be right.

Teachers are notorious for giving people the benefit of the doubt and are not quick (many times too slow) in addressing sin issues. They are constantly looking for any good that they can latch onto and will put off any issue that may require confrontation. A person may be doing something wrong, but unless they actually open the door for a teacher to speak into their life, or God sets it up in a way that they are sure of, the teacher won’t speak about it or address the issue. They will let things continue as they are. The phrase “dancing around the elephant in the middle of the room” is applicable to the teacher. They know there is a problem, but they will avoid the problem and act as if the problem doesn’t exist unless someone brings it up. If they are forced to address the issue, they will speak and then attempt to just leave it alone, thinking ultimately it’s the other person’s decision whether to follow truth or not. Many times it seems that they are hoping God will decide to step in and deal with the situation. Teachers are truly long suffering (patient) – sometimes in a good way and sometimes not.

There are Teacher pastors or leaders who will sometimes use the tactic of preaching or teaching in a group setting on the issue or problem that has caused a breach, preferring to use a large audience which includes the “problem” person. This helps them avoid having to use the direct approach. It appears they would rather address the issue without the person having the opportunity to rebut, interrupt, or debate the issues. They also hope that the person will see the error of their ways without them having to meet with them face to face.

Teachers prefer to ignore, put off, or delay resolution of problems, issues or breaches in relationship. Teachers will continue to analyze the issue infinitely. Teachers prefer any other approach they can come up with to avoid actually addressing the issue face to face with the offended party. Other times teachers may not have completed their analysis enough to have the issue settled in their mind and will delay the discussion. Teachers will pray and think about the issue quite a bit. If they don’t recognize or allow the disciplining of the Father and/or deal with the possibility that they are wrong, it’s very likely they will shut the issue and the person out of their mind and just ignore them. They will try to go on with the relationship like nothing is wrong. Many times (intentionally or unintentionally) they will leave the offended party feeling that the teacher has basically written them off. Teachers find great comfort in solving doctrinal or theological problems, but many times fail miserably in solving relationship problems.

If a Teacher is mature enough to admit they are wrong, they will take the situation apart and say, “Okay, I was wrong here but not here”. They will look at every event and word and assign where fault belongs. It is very important to the teacher to know that God is in agreement with them. It would almost be impossible for the teacher to make a blanket apology for something unless God told them to “own” the entire situation. The teacher dissects the issue. They will say, “Okay, I need to apologize for this but not for that.”

One of the teacher’s foundational beliefs is that your freedom to be wrong without condemnation is their freedom to be wrong without condemnation. “Religious” teachers may even say (to themselves) that they are praying or seeking God about it. The fact is many times they are denying ownership of the problem or are trying to avoid the issue altogether. It seems to be their hope that somehow the problem will solve itself without them having to do anything. This is rooted in selective responsibility. The mature, healed teacher will have the words ready in their heart to discuss anything at anytime to whatever point they are able, and then pray asking the Holy Spirit to bring out the truth. The mature, healed teacher is not afraid of confrontation. They might not like it, but they are not afraid.

In 99.9% of all cases involving a breach of relationship with a teacher, you will have to be the one to approach them first. However, demanding teachers to address the issue “now” never works. Timing is important and that is something that you will have to pray about and ask the Lord to arrange.

An “in your face” approach to reconciliation with a teacher never works. Never approach teachers in anger, defensiveness, or a wrong spirit. Pick a time where you are at peace in your spirit and soul. If you don’t do this, they will not only disregard what you have to say but they will use your anger against you or whatever other emotion they don’t like against you. They are very sensitive to how you approach them concerning problem resolution. Many times they are looking for an excuse to write off your side of the issue whether or not the excuse they use has anything to do with the issue. Don’t give them ammunition to justify their rejection of you and thus never deal with the “real” issue.

Wherever there is offense, typically emotions run high. Therefore, it is important to understand a few things regarding Teachers and emotions. Teachers typically like to keep emotions under wraps. To the teacher, being emotional is not being in control. Control and the appearance of control are important. A reason for this might be that the teacher is processing – always processing. As such, they don’t want to make decisions or judgments quickly. So, how can you show an emotion when you don’t yet know how you feel about something? To show an emotion is to reveal a decision that might not be complete yet. If you have an emotional reaction, then you have settled, at least in the mind of the onlooker, what you think about something. And since the teacher is always teaching – sort of by default – how they come across to another is just as important as what they say.

When you address the issue that has caused the breach with the teacher, make sure you have completely thought it through. You can bet the teacher has. They usually have delayed addressing the issue long enough for them to have looked at the issue from every angle, especially the angles which put them in a positive light. So you need to make sure you have adequately prepared and thought things through.

Know what you want to say and say it simply and directly and then let it go. Give the teacher time to process with the understanding that the door is open for any comments they might want to make later on. Chances are they will come back with an accusation of your words and actions but remember they may still be processing. Be ready with your own observations and always leave the teacher a way of escape. Never make them feel that the relationship is dependant upon their agreement with you unless the issue is important enough to lose the relationship. They will let it go. In other words, they’ll give you the “freedom” to walk your walk while they walk theirs.

If there is some area that you need to apologize to the teacher, do not wait for them to apologize first because in almost all cases they won’t. Make sure you only apologize for what you did wrong and nothing else. If you did nothing wrong, then do not apologize for anything. It is definitely better when they have nothing substantive to use against you. Teachers will use the excuse that they wouldn’t have acted the way they did if you hadn’t responded the way you did. Therefore, it is their conclusion that it is your fault that they did what they did. Let me state this again, teachers will bury you in a discussion of how you responded or how you said hurtful things and never deal with the root issue that needs reconciliation. So don’t give them ammunition.

It is important that the teacher feel that you love them and you are not just out to expose them or have one up on them. You need to include “love language” throughout the discussion. Help the teacher to find a language to express why they did what they did. Sometimes teachers believe that the root of the breach in relationship is different than the reality of the situation. You may need to help them better understand the issue. Try and find a concise and loving way to frame the issue.

Finally, listen to these words of a teacher about reconciliation. “I do find it very, very hard to be told by a human being that I’m wrong. That’s the trigger for an amazing mental wrestling match. Sometimes it is even hard to hear God for a while – I think for fear he may tell me that this human being is right and I am actually wrong. Their greatest fight is with themselves and their need to be right for legitimacy reasons. If you are dealing with an immature teacher, then go into the situation with a heart to bring them up to a higher level. If they’re okay, then you’ll be able to do this. If you’re dealing with a mature teacher, have no fear; just have your emotional and mental ducks in a row. You will find someone in search of truth.”

A good friend of my dad’s wife was diagnosed with some serious eye disease, she practically went blind overnight. At the time she was an accomplished nurse with a very positive and loving personality. The loss of her sight was a seriously depressing blow. For the last year or so she has been unable to work, and sitting around the house not being able to see anything has been very trying.

Recently a certain organization, in conjunction with the US Government came and evaluated her eyes. They then installed several different appliances in her house that were made specifically for people with very poor eyesight. Then they went to her old job, talked to the boss and got her job back. After getting her job back they then installed hardware that allowed her to accomplish her tasks despite her inability to see well.

That is the most impressive display of empowering that I have witnessed in a long time. How much money do you suppose the government saved by investing in equipment that would help her function in her old job, rather than dishing out money to her once a month and letting her sit in her house and struggle with her condition?

I pray that this art would be divinely revealed to us, the church, and our community.

H.E.

Please take a look under “Projects” to read up on this opportunity.

It hardly seems that it has been almost a year and a half since this book was no more than an idea and a wish. It is so exciting to finally see this baby birthed. The feedback from those that are using the book is exciting and we will try and share these with you from time to time. As you begin to use the book please feel free to email us with your comments.

It is my desire to get the books into your hands as quickly and easily as possible. To that end you will find me very flexible and open to whatever it takes to make that happen. Blessings to all of you as you begin your journey into understanding what fulfillment really means.

IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED…

Before we came into being God had a plan for us. Psalm 139 says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator who created our innermost being in our mother’s womb. God chose our physical appearance as well as our innermost parts. Each of us is a reflection of him, created in his image for his good pleasure. Designed For Fulfillment is an attempt to take a closer look at a part of that plan in order to better understand ourselves and our design.

Understanding the redemptive gifts will give you a greater understanding of the potential that you have, as well as the challenges that you face. It will help you identify your individual strengths and weaknesses. You will begin to understand in a deeper way why God created you. You will learn to stop wasting your time on those things that are motivated by woundedness rather than by your Father’s Design. Your love of your Father will go to a deeper level as you begin to see more clearly His love and destiny for you. In short, you will recognize in a new way what it means to be a child of the Most High God.